I don’t have it all figured out. I can barely commit to an outfit. That dress I adored last week– the soft pink chiffon number — might end up in my bad-decision pile before its first soiree. More organized individuals (I call them anal) have called me a scatterbrain. I have abstract ideas about what I’d like to achieve: I’d like to be more open-minded, more loving, and more motivated. I’d like to be more educated, more spiritual, and more decisive (or maybe not).
When it comes to my profession, I want to wear many hats, and on some days I’d prefer my pajamas. I recently took a personality test that was meant to define my work style, to tell me how and where I fit in on a team. Problem was, I confused the test. I imagine the scoring machines short circuiting — clouds of hot smoke rising from some mechanism. I received a response to the effect that my answers could not be clearly defined.
And that seemed so appropriate.
I’m just a kaleidoscope of color, flesh, and feelings. My mind is like a magic 8 ball (remember those?) in that you could shake it up and get a different answer every time you asked a question. So I wonder– is this creativity or confusion? How does a yogi ever find balance when the ground is always shifting? Here’s what I’ve discovered:
Life is a wonderful mystery, and I am so grateful for all its surprises. There’s a reason we can’t see the future, and whatever it is, I’m guessing it’s valid. I’m okay with the fact that I cannot look ahead with certainty and say in five years I’ll be doing this or that. I’m thinking plans are good but too much thinking takes me away from this moment, and it ultimately limits me. Because it leaves me stuck in some place that life may not have intended. It leaves me fixed on ideas that may not work in five years. I’d rather be fluid. I’d rather be flexible. And that’s what I call, The Lesson of the Lotus Flower.
If you managed to stay on the page this long, here comes the good part. Here’s my mantra, born of the idea that I’m okay with not knowing…
Life is a flower unfolding, and I want to enjoy every petal. So today I will notice its beauty. I will be inspired by what it is right now, even as I know it is changing. I do not try to pluck it and keep it, nor am I sad it will someday wither. Rather, I watch it blossom into all it was meant to be.