Why I’m Okay with Not Knowing

I don’t have it all figured out. I can barely commit to an outfit. That dress I adored last week– the soft pink chiffon number — might end up in my bad-decision pile before its first soiree. More organized individuals (I call them anal) have called me a scatterbrain. I have abstract ideas about what I’d like to achieve: I’d like to be more open-minded, more loving, and more motivated. I’d like to be more educated, more spiritual, and more decisive (or maybe not).

When it comes to my profession, I want to wear many hats, and on some days I’d prefer my pajamas. I recently took a personality test that was meant to define my work style, to tell me how and where I fit in on a team. Problem was, I confused the test. I imagine the scoring machines short circuiting — clouds of hot smoke rising from some mechanism. I received a response to the effect that my answers could not be clearly defined.

And that seemed so appropriate.

I’m just a kaleidoscope of color, flesh, and feelings. My mind is like a magic 8 ball (remember those?) in that you could shake it up and get a different answer every time you asked a question. So I wonder– is this creativity or confusion? How does a yogi ever find balance when the ground is always shifting?  Here’s what I’ve discovered:

Life is a wonderful mystery, and I am so grateful for all its surprises. There’s a reason we can’t see the future, and whatever it is, I’m guessing it’s valid. I’m okay with the fact that I cannot look ahead with certainty and say in five years I’ll be doing this or that. I’m thinking plans are good but too much thinking takes me away from this moment, and it ultimately limits me. Because it leaves me stuck in some place that life may not have intended. It leaves me fixed on ideas that may not work in five years. I’d rather be fluid. I’d rather be flexible. And that’s what I call, The Lesson of the Lotus Flower.

If you managed to stay on the page this long, here comes the good part. Here’s my mantra, born of the idea that I’m okay with not knowing…

Life is a flower unfolding, and I want to enjoy every petal. So today I will notice its beauty. I will be inspired by what it is right now, even as I know it is changing. I do not try to pluck it and keep it, nor am I sad it will someday wither. Rather, I watch it blossom into all it was meant to be.

 

5 Comments
  • QA
    August 4, 2015

    Wise, and comforting. There is peace in not knowing what is ahead. If we knew, we may not be able to move forward, which we must.

  • Silly Mummy
    March 30, 2016

    I love this! I was put through a series of those tests by my university because I was split on what career I wanted to pursue between two professions that they considered contradictory (one caring & one ‘high powered’) & they felt that I couldn’t possibly be equally suited to both. I had exactly the same effect on the tests as you! I confused them & I did come back as having a personality that was equally suited to both those paths, though the test framework did not consider that was supposed to happen!

    • Rica Lewis
      March 30, 2016

      Wow! I guess you’re a mixed bag of passion and power. Ha ha. That’s a great combo, Silly Mummy. Thanks for stopping in!

  • Cheryl Oreglia
    August 1, 2016

    Excellent post. It’s like you read my mind. I’ve been battling the need to follow cultural decorum in my work or let my instincts lead the way. I try not to get caught up in it all but I do. Thanks for the perfect reminder.

    • Rica Lewis
      August 1, 2016

      My absolute pleasure, Cheryl. Thanks for reading!

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