5 Reasons I Deserve More on Mother’s Day

Dear Kid,

Mother’s Day is almost here. It’s time to pay the piper. When you were five I accepted those dandelion bouquets, plucked from the yard and placed in plastic cups. When you were ten, I was thrilled at the Dollar Store finds you presented: a porcelain boy perched on a mushroom (yes, a mushroom), a polka dotted hair bow, a plastic string of beads. And while I still own those trinkets and cherish their sweet garishness, you’ve outgrown the gaudy gift phase. You are now mature enough to know that nobody really needs a porcelain boy on a mushroom. And if you should require more convincing, here are 5 reasons I deserve more on Mother’s Day…

  1. Pregnancy

It was nine months of expanding body parts (ankles, butt and breasts to name a few). And while some might say big breasts are a perk, pregnancy breasts are the exception. No catalog, boutique at the mall, or Victoria’s Secret store on earth had equipment enough to hold the twenty-pound pair I carried. There was no stomach sleeping, no toe touching, and no getting out of a bean bag chair without another human’s assistance. I could write an entire post on the discomfort I experienced in pregnancy, but I’ll let WebMD tell you more about hemorrhoids, migraine headaches and heartburn at midnight.

2. Tantrums in the Checkout Aisle

So you wanted the watermelon bubblegum, or the peanut M&Ms the store so conveniently stocked near the checkout. I said, “No,” you said, “Now.” There was kicking, screaming, a hot red face wet with tears. And you behaved badly, too. For all those times you embarrassed me in public, I demand compensation.

  1. Wet Socks Under the Sofa

What’s that smell? Oh dear god, what’s that smell? You watched me rip the house apart, open every drawer, and search every square foot of living space. But you never told me you left your stale snow-wet socks beneath the sofa, and that you’d leave other pairs in other places — because why make the trip to the clothes hamper? Scavenger hunts are more fun.

  1. That Time You Told the Teacher I gave You a Black Eye

Boys will be boys. They sport capes, throw rocks, climb counters to steal cookies, and in the process, they get bruised. No biggie. But when the teachers ask how the accident happened, most boys don’t blurt out, “My mom punched me in the face.” But you did. Hardy har har! You are a comedian, and that fun little fib led to a handful of visits from an unlikely friend: the child protection agent. Thanks, kid. You know I love to entertain.

  1. The Romp on the Roof

And we thought accusations of abuse were wild fun, but that was before you made all your action figures “fly” to the roof then climbed out an upstairs window to retrieve them from the roof. But good thing you had your cape on — and a sensible pair of shoes. And boy was I glad the neighbors saw you from across the street. I’m sure they thought highly of me. Moms be warned: if the playroom is quiet, all hell has unleashed.

And now we have arrived at the teen years. I’ve stayed out of prison. You’ve stayed out of the hospital (mostly). And when you’re not rolling your eyes at my parental dim-wittedness, we manage to enjoy one another. It’s been amazing, kid. I wouldn’t trade one harried day for a life without you. So believe me when I say I deserve better on Mother’s Day — but I’ll settle for a nice Hallmark card and a hug. Really.

And for the earthworms I kept in my closet, and the parties I threw while she worked, my mother deserves more too.

36 Comments
  • Shann eva
    May 6, 2016

    Ha! Love this! Although, now I’m dreading the teen years with my three boys a little more 😉 I hope you get a present you really deserve this Mother’s Day!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 6, 2016

      No need to dread! You’ll surely survive and have some great stories to tell! Thanks for reading, Shann Eva.

  • Lacey
    May 6, 2016

    This is so great. It makes me think back to all the (probably) awful gifts I have my own mother!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 6, 2016

      Yes, and I am still giving them. Ha ha. Not really! Thanks for stopping by, Lacey. Have a nice weekend.

  • Krystal Miller
    May 6, 2016

    Love this. Have it scheduled to share on Sunday. 🙂

  • Allie
    May 6, 2016

    Got to love motherhood! Hope you get the presents you really deserve for Mother’s Day!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 6, 2016

      Ha ha! Thanks, Allie. I honestly dig the porcelain boy on a mushroom statue. It’s cool when kids share those treasures. But now, I have teens so the bar is raised. lol

  • Beth Giusti
    May 6, 2016

    This is awesome! I still have 2 little ones (18 months and almost 3) So I am still looking forward to the “boy on the mushroom”. I will be sure to save all of these wonderful “gifts” and trade up later!

    🙂

    • Rica Lewis
      May 6, 2016

      Ha ha, Beth! Yes! Trade up! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you have an amazing Mother’s Day!

  • Enricoh Alfonzo
    May 6, 2016

    Hahaha! I’m so the wet sock under the sofa guy. Thsi post….so great & such an eye opener. I need to step it up with making my mom feel special not just on mothers day but everyday. Thanks!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 6, 2016

      That’s great, Enricoh (not the we socks part) ha ha. Thanks for reading!

  • Jessica
    May 6, 2016

    Haha! This is great! Thank you for sharing a good laugh!

  • Rosemond
    May 6, 2016

    OMG–sounds like boys are maybe even more challenging than daughters. The black eye story–eek!!! Bet you will keep reminding him of that one when he’s grown!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 6, 2016

      I sure will! And he reminds me of the time I accidentally stabbed him with a fork. Ha ha. I should not be allowed to play with sharp objects! Thanks for stopping in, Rosemond!

  • Silly Mummy
    May 7, 2016

    Haha – love it! Telling the teacher you punched him in the face definitely deserves a good present!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 7, 2016

      Right? Ha ha, thanks Silly Mummy! I’m sure you deserve an awesome gift, too!

  • Molly Stevens
    May 7, 2016

    Sweet funny and an accurate depiction of motherhood. Loved this post.

  • Classy On The Run
    May 7, 2016

    Thanks for sharing! I think my mom will like that I got her something actually useful this year– her favourite eyebrow tool & some fancy bath salts!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 7, 2016

      That’s awesome, Classy! How thoughtful of you. 🙂

  • Rebecca Hicks
    May 8, 2016

    This made me smile! Parenting is so much more than you think, especially with boys. I don’t know how my mom did it!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 9, 2016

      Yes, boys are lively! Thanks for reading, Rebecca.

  • Pam
    May 8, 2016

    Thanks for this! It was a fun read. I especially liked number 4 & 5. I don’t have kids yet but I am a teacher and the stories I’ve had to “investigate” can get interesting! Happy Mother’s Day to you!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 9, 2016

      Oh boy! I’m sure you have tons of stories, Pam! Teachers have a tough job. Good luck and thanks for reading.

  • Chrissy
    May 8, 2016

    Haha, this is awesome! Love it!
    Happy Mother’s Day xxx

    • Rica Lewis
      May 9, 2016

      Glad you enjoyed it, Chrissy. Thank you and Happy Mother’s Day to you as well.

  • Anna Palmer
    May 9, 2016

    Child protective services! Wow! That does deserve some sort of repayment other than a mushroom bowl…

    • Rica Lewis
      May 9, 2016

      I still tease him about that, Anna. Thanks for reading!

  • Niamh
    May 10, 2016

    Hilarious! For the visits from child protection alone, you deserve some serious gratitude 🙂

  • Erin
    May 17, 2016

    Love this so much! 🙂 Haha. My boys owe me so much just from their labor and deliveries! Not to mention #2 being in the NICU for 19 days – he’s on the hook eternally for that one!

    • Rica Lewis
      May 18, 2016

      Oh wow, Erin! Sounds like you deserve a reallllyyyy great Mother’s Day! Thanks for reading.

  • Liv
    May 17, 2016

    Wet socks under the sofa?? Yuck.

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