Tis the season to be stressed the hell out, to open your dusty box of decor and find six broken bulbs and a curious spider. We’ll watch the cat knock over the tree a few times, eat sugar by the pound and feel the waves of nausea and self-disgust. We’ll shop too long, buy too much, and spend hours wrapping the crap in shiny gold paper.
Let’s face it: the kids are going to bicker, something’s bound to burn, and you will step on at least a dozen pine needles in your barefoot trek to the bathroom. Ho ho ho. Or should I say, ha ha ha! Because this year I’m going to jump on my mat, leave the drama at the door, and laugh, cry, sweat, and meditate until I get my mind in the game.
No stress for this yogi. But just for fun, let’s go over this list of ways to screw up the holidays, and perhaps we’ll see the train before it comes barreling down the tracks (no trainwrecks, please).
3 Ways to Screw Up the Holidays
Let’s buy that ginger-bread-house-in-a-box kit. We can assemble it at the coffee table, while we warm our sweet butts by the fire. The kids will eat all the red gumdrops, we’ll be amazed at our lack of architectural skills, and repeatedly frustrated by the wafer roof that keeps sliding away from our gooey frosted walls.
At last, our white-knight men will step in, with their fat fumbling hands and chauvinistic scorn. They will tell us how simple it should be to erect that house of hard candy and stale frosted fluck. And then they will fail. We’ll curse the manufacturer of that shoddy kit, and watch the tiny house crumble as it sails into the trash.
Then we’ll move onto that Martha Stewart wreath project. With hot glue guns in hand, we’ll forget about all the blisters and burns we’ve acquired with that tool, and proceed to reinflict injury.
Be a Giver
This year, we’ll do more than drop coins in red buckets as we smile at bell ringers. We’ll give more than old coats, and new toys to tots. We’ll give our time. We’ll attend all the school plays in the city. We’ll hand out candy canes and poorly printed program flyers. We’ll help at the bake sales, cookie swaps, and every soiree this season. Because who needs sleep, or sanity?
Tis the season to open your heart, and overbook your schedule.
Stop the evil foreboding, ignore your internal instincts, maternal instincts, and all the rest. Expect perfection from your family, your coworkers, and everyone you meet. That jerk in the Hummer, he is most definitely not going to swipe your parking spot. Your kid will not snag the chocolate kisses you bought for that recipe. He’ll remember how you exploded last year when you found the foil wrappers littered in his underwear drawer. The packages will arrive on time this year. The house will stay clean. The lights will stay lit, and all the world will shine like an incandescent bulb.
Was that enough sarcasm to make your stomach churn? Don’t believe the hype! Just remember how to breathe deeply, and do what we yogis do best: stay flexible.
Holiday Mantra: I release my expectations, and arrive at a place of compassion instead.